This is why many groups of friends simply host private servers.
Theres no point playing on a large public PVP server if you expect to be able to keep anything alive without being raided and having everything you worked so hard for destroyed, for fun, by other players.
Servers are fairly cheap for a small 20person or less server.
Alternatively, you can host one yourself if somebody has a spare decent computer. (Trust me, we've hosted one ourselves for the past 2 maps)
I'm always shocked when people complain "Boo hoo, i'm on a PVP server, and i got raided " Dont play on PVP unless you plan on engaging in PVP or getting all your poop killed/stolen/trashed.