chris282

So I take my raptor up the mountain to grab some crystal, and halfway up I come across another raptor I thought I'd lost. Hurrah, I think. We all carry on up to the top and I start mining. When I look around, both raptors have completely disappeared. Not a squawk out of either of 'em - just there one minute, gone the next. Comme ci comme ça. Ark giveth, and Ark taketh away. I long for Paris. Life is pain.

EU-PVP-Official-[REDACTED] The Island changes a man. When I first washed up on the beach I believed in things like justice, due process, rule of law. I now know that these concepts are an abstract luxury of another world. My flimsy liberal Western morality has burned away in the fires of war, and now I believe in one thing only. I see 123, I shoot. This is my policy and I stand by it. With that said, I am prepared to admit that it's a policy that may, indirectly or directly, have led to my being locked in a cage by an angry gentleman and attempting to commit suicide by eating faeces (further research needed). Happily, my new friend saw reason and released me, at which point I panned his head in. Regrettably, due to a minor and entirely understandable miscalculation, he woke up as I was dragging him into my cage and he panned my head in. How we laughed!

Oh that's what cryopods do. Well that's a game-changer.

I know that feeling! Still having a blast with Ark, but I burnt out on Eve a couple times. Best wishes SG, have a good day! ?

EU-PVP-Official-[REDACTED] It's been a quiet week on the mountain. Raiders tried their luck a couple of times, but losses were minimal. I'm satisfied that my base designs are at least up to the job of fending off the dumb ones, so now all I have to worry about are the smart, well-prepared, technologically superior attackers. Hmm. Currently working on a second backup base in the snow biome. The snow is my white whale, and by thunder it will be tamed like a whale. Celebration mid-week when Kimiko the Sabertooth reached her 24-hour anniversary, becoming the longest serving dino in the squad! The old girl eventually bought the farm at 26/27 hours, and will be remembered as a shining inspiration by future generations of cannon fodder.

Operation Mindwipe has been a rousing success. Here's to all the brave dinos who lost their lives ensuring I could rectify that stat point I put into Food. Operation Cry Havoc And Release The Dogs Of War will resume until further notice. Operation We Really Need To Do Something About The Egg Situation is currently awaiting review.

Dear Mrs Parasaur Butcher, I regret to inform you that your son has died in the line of duty. The cause of death has been recorded as: Sacrificed self to save superior officer [ ] Heroic last stand in face of overwhelming odds [ ] Collateral damage in routine mining operation [X] Shot self in back of head (bullet) [ ] Shot self in back of head (arrow) [ ] Shot self in back of head (rock or bludgeoning instrument) [ ] "Food shortage" [ ] Miscellaneous [ ] As a token of our appreciation for his service, Private Butcher has been posthumously awarded the not applicable. Yrs etc, and could you get that out for the lunchtime post please, thank you Margaret.

Quick update from the EU-PVP-Official-[REDACTED] front line: I have mostly been collecting berries and writing letters to the widows of enlisted Parasaurs. The war machine feeds on blood and narcoberries.

This is definitely how you hold a crossbow. I have perfect form. I have returned to Ark to seek the vengeance that has been denied me for lo these countless days*. Let they who have wronged me know that my wrath is vast and all-consuming. Here I am playing Caveman Barbies with a skin taken from the mangled corpse of a raider who I bludgeoned to death and ate. It's all gone a bit Colonel Kurtz here on the mountain. *Eleven.

I'm still catching up! Just started on Ragnarok.

My borg cube base finally fell to raiders, although it killed two guys in the process - one of them was killed twice which is pleasing. Since they only killed me once I'm calling that 3-1 to me. Raiders are a fact of life here in the lawless wastelands of EU-PVP-Official-[REDACTED], so my primary goals right now are: Streamline rebuilding process. Adapt base design to incorporate lessons learned from the latest attack. Begin campaign of merciless bloody vengeance. Irritatingly, I'm in the process of moving house, so bloody vengeance may have to wait. Offline for the next couple of weeks. ?

So here I am, looking pleased with myself in my shiny new starter base. Fun fact, as I was downloading this picture, raiders had blown up the rear wall and were beating me with clubs. Pro gamers will notice my glaring error. I have now returned to my mountainside retreat to plot revenge with my cats, Faith and Mr Trick. Additional: Since that picture was taken I've been refining my base design. Currently favouring a 3x3 metal box with internal auto-turrets, which has held off two raids with minimal damage this morning. Faith and Trick are dead. Under siege right now, as it happens, so I should probably get back to that.

I remember him saying, just before he died, "I love that you don't micromanage me, Chris. Granting me the autonomy to make my own decisions makes me feel valued and empowered as an employee." That, perhaps, can bring us some small comfort at this sad time.

RIP Lemmy the Sabertooth. I searched half the mountain before I found you, and fought off a Rex as you slept. You were my hope of a better tomorrow, the wind beneath my wings, my one true love and companion for the time we were together. You died because I thought a level 5 Alpha Raptor was just a level 5 Raptor and was letting you get on with it. My bad.

Cathy's not mainstream? This is going to wreck my tight five. The kids still like Garfield, right?

Argh, I got attached to one. Ptaylor was a level 217 Ptera who regrettably veered too close into foreign airspace and was intercepted by an Argent. High tension debates followed the incident, but military response was averted by last second diplomacy. My faithful Diplos, Bernard, Manny and Fran, are some comfort though I fear I shall be inconsolable for the rest of the day. Farewell Ptaylor, we shall not see your like again.

Narrator: "The base was burned to the ground by sunrise."

Went back for my stash this morning and figured I had enough time to make a quick metal run before I took off. I've been operating out of a safe house that used to be a staging point for an expedition to the North so it's pretty well tucked away, but metal has always been a problem. I set off on my raft with a couple of Dilos (Dredd and Anderson), and almost immediately got capsized by a Leedsichthys. I swear I was being careful, this dude was practically sunbathing. We escaped to shore and proceeded on foot. Upon reaching the edge of the mountain we were set upon by a pair of raiders, who we fought off valiantly. In retrospect there is a slim possibility that they may not have been raiders, but I distinctly remember feeling like they were going to attack before we murdered them and ate their corpses. We returned to the safe house to find an Allosaurus fighting a Diplo, and once we'd dealt with them we saw that the safe house had been raided. "Ack!" said Dredd, who enjoys a Cathy cartoon, and I agreed wholeheartedly. On the bright side, we'd come back with enough metal to fix up our gear and haul ass sharpish. This time we were moving west, following the sun to a location I hoped would be more secure and better placed for resources. I started the journey in high spirits, with a six dino team and brightly polished new armour. The Megacity Justice Crew Go West!: (L-R) Giant, me, Beeny, Anderson, Dredd, Hershey and Lopez. An hour later the Megacity Justice Crew were dead and I was stumbling through an icy stream in tattered leathers, maybe five shots left in my busted up rifle. Things looked pretty bleak there for a minute, I don't mind saying, but Ol' Chris kept his head and pulled through the night. I'm writing this from a newly erected stone base at an undisclosed location which, if my luck continues, will be burnt to the ground by sunrise.

Not a bad idea, Kodking. Ooh, or dilo Watchmen. Megacity Judges, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Authority. That should keep me going for a couple days

Tamed a raptor, a para and a trike to try and ramp up my metal supply, but caught the attention of the local raiders so I guess I'm on the move again. I'd managed to put away a decent stash of gear, though I won't be touching that tonight. Going back to basics to do some exploring. Punch tree, pick up rock. I got this.

Ojo - Dilo Blue - Dilo Lee - Raptor Herring - Raptor Unnamed Parasaur Ripped to shreds by Therizins. Total bloodbath.

You've been getting the edited highlights, but since the founding of the Yellow Brick Road Gang the body count looks like this: Dorothy - Dilo Scarecrow - Dilo Tin Man - Dilo Snoop Lion - Dilo Aunt Em 1 & 2 - Dilos Uncle Henry 1 & 2 - Dilos Betsy - Dilo Ojo - Dilo Hank 1 & 2 - Parasaurs Billina - Microraptor Princess Ozma - Raptor Oz - Argent Glinda - Argent The Yellow Brick Road Gang have been relying on the Wikipedia List of Oz Characters for a while. Scarecrow is MIA, but apparently not dead. I thought Ojo was dead, but he showed up again this morning. PS. Munchkins.

Another attempt to establish a foothold in the north ended... disappointingly. Daeodons and Dire Wolves were too much for us. There may have been a friendly fire incident.

*** MINOR BREAKING BAD SPOILER WARNING *** MINOR BREAKING BAD SPOILER WARNING *** I woke up in handcuffs, and not in a good way. Since the regretable incident with the "Flying Monkey" I'd been holed up in my mountainside hideaway like Walter White at the end of Breaking Bad, licking my wounds and planning my next move, but the mountain base had become too hot. I'd already tussled with a minor league raider, now they'd upped the ante. It was time to leave the mountain, scream abuse at my wife in a way that established plausible deniability, rescue Jesse from the slaver bike gang and go out in a blaze of glory. But I couldn't do it alone... The Yellow Brick Road Gang Ride Again!: (L-R) Aunt Em, Hank, Uncle Henry and Betsy.