It’s been months since I played, but like many others, I decided to log back in to check out the DLC. I started in the easy Bog. Easy, hehehe . . . . . Here’s a few highlights.
1 – I’m sneaking past a Bary who is munching on bog fish not far from shore. I’m almost past when I bump into something sturdy that smells vaguely of cheap cologne. I look up and see a Carno towering over me.
The Carno glares down at me with beady eyes and says, “ 1 – 2 – 3, not it!”
“Wait, what?” I begin. “You’re not what?”
“Dinner!” he replies then beams a toothy smile at me.
I turn to run.
Nom! Nom! Nom!
2 – Not long after that, I’m fleeing along the marshy ground, trying to avoid smacking into any trees, or tripping over their exposed roots, while being pursued by a gym-bro Daeodon.
“Leave me alone,” I shout over my shoulder, between gasping breaths.
“Bro!” he says. “You need to stop with all this cardio, and I’ll help you pack on the mass.”
“I don’t believe you,” I shout before I jump over a fallen tree, skid a little on the landing, then keep running.
The Daeodon effortlessly clears the tree and continues his pursuit. “Hey, no Curls, no Gurls!”
“Stuff it, pig! And why are you wearing a tank top that’s like three sizes too small?”
“Because, you gotta dig deep! And if the bar ain’t bendin’, you’re pretendin’!”
“That’s not even an answer, you-“
Yah, that’s about the point I ran out of stamina.
Nom! Nom! Nom!
3 – “Insect swarm, what’s an insect swarm?” Two seconds later, “Auuuugh!”
4 – I fix my first glitch on top of some big metal ramp that’s by some giant hole. I’m heading back down when I see a carno wandering up. I figure I’ll give him a smack and then run off, having scored some small bit of revenge against his kind.
He charges as I get closer, and I stab him when he’s in range with my balsa wood spear. It breaks of course, but I’m not sticking around to fight, so it’s no big deal. I veer around him, and just when I’m almost past, he wallops me, sending me flying off the ramp.
Famous baseball announcer, “It could be, It might be… It is! A home run!”
Me: *SPLAT!*
5 – I tame my first dino, a dilo named, “Goner.” He’s eaten ten minutes later by another insect swarm. “Beepity, Beepin! Insect swarms!”
6 – I’m out on my frog, Freeda, and we’re looking to get some sweet, sweet cementing paste. “Whoa! Carno over there we better head—“ KAPRO ATTACK!
We fly through the air for what seems like a mile before we land in the mud and water with a splash. I’m stabbing him with my metal pike for all I’m worth. He’s low level, I just might make it…. He dies.
“Ha, ha! I did it,” I shout to the heavens, and am immediately Kapro Attacked again, by a high level one.
Nom! Nom! Nom!
“Beepity, Bleepin’, Kapros.”
On my way back, I get the message that the carno ate Freeda. “Bleepity, Beepin’, Carnos!”
Yep, Ark is still Ark!