fanfiction What do you think of this story I created for the ark survival envolved?

[adrian19448]

What do you think of this story I created for the ark survival envolved?

In 9730, in a futuristic world, where humanity is very advanced... With the ability to travel through the universe and create highly advanced technology. It has a unique government, which can control everything on Earth.

In one day, the government team decided to create life on another planet.

The president showed his interest in the subject, after a few days, the government decided to approve it!

A few days later, the government requested the presence of the scientific and astronomical team, to discuss the matter. The government then asked the astronomical team to find a habitable planet in the universe!

6 months later...

The astronomy team, after 6 long months of work, finally found a habitable planet in the galaxy. They nicknamed the found planet SELVATION.

Soon after the discovery of the planet, the astronomical team calls the government, and then starts talking about the found habitable planet.

The astronomical team says: hello, this is the astronomical team. We managed to find a habitable planet in the universe, 3 light-years away.

The government is talking: Great to hear this news, I will provide the scientific team to develop a spaceship, capable of traveling at the speed of light.

1 week later...

The government then requests the presence of the scientific team to discuss the issues of the trip to the planet!

The government says: I need to develop a spaceship that travels at the speed of light, capable of supporting 2,000 passengers. The spacecraft should have support for hibernation capsules, leisure, support and food crops.

3 years later...

The ship was finally ready!

The government had its passengers ready to board. Among the embarking scientists were pilots, engineers, farmers, doctors, employees and guards!

 

The government says: this ship has support for 2,000 passengers, each person can consume up to 4 times the food per day.
The government still talks: 1,000 passengers stay awake working and performing daily maintenance on the "galatra" spaceship. Another 1,000 passengers are expected to remain in hibernation as a reserve. If any passengers become sick or even die. The passenger with problems is soon replaced by the passenger in the hibernation capsule.

After listening to the government, the team begins its journey in the spacecraft, to the new planet discovered.

3 years later...

After three long years, we were finally close to reaching the planet.

2 months later...

We finally made it to the planet!

The ship's security team, sends a team of armed guards, in a small transport ship to the wild planet. If any danger hides on the planet, the guards were ready for combat.

Arriving on the planet's soil, no animal life was found!

There was oxygen, water and vegetation, but there was no animal life!

Scientists discovered that on the planet, there was no animal life, and came to the conclusion that there was only microscopic life.

The spacecraft's security team calls the government.

The security team says: there is no animal life on this planet, we can only find microscopic life!
The security team concluded: The planet is habitable for humans!
The government says: this is what we hoped to continue with our project!

The government requests the presence of the scientific team.

A week and a half later...

The government says: I need the team to develop a technology capable of sustaining animal life. I also ask the team to create a life-giving machine based on 'DNA'.

Then the scientific team starts developing the technology.

2 months later...

The science team calls the government.

The scientific team talks: The machine that will generate life based on 'DNA', will be a tower that reaches the planet's atmosphere, and needs the energy of the planet's sun to function. For life to be generated by technology, it will be necessary to place towers close to each other in a 100 km radius. The animal will be generated with a chip that will be necessary for the animal to support life on the planet. In each tower there will be a DNA of a different animal species.
If this chip is removed from the animal, it will die instantly!

The scientific team concluded: The tower that will sustain life was made with graphene material and cutting-edge technology.

1 year later...

Finally the towers are ready.

The scientific team calls the government and explains more...

Six months later...

The government then sent a ship to planet WILD, with all the towers needed for the wild planet to sustain life!

3 years later...

The spacecraft arrives with all the technologies!

Landing the spacecraft on the planet's ground. The team already starts working, the team places each tower 100 km away from each other!

The scientists then began to test the towers, connecting the energy of the towers, directly, with the energy of the sun.

The scientists also began to place the human DNA, male and female. And also the DNA of all Jurassic creatures.

The scientists call the government.

The scientists talk: finally we finish the work completely, the towers are already 100 km away from each other, and now they can be connected.
The government says: in order for us to be able to connect to the towers, it will be necessary for all the workers to leave the planet.
The government is still talking: The team must remove all the work equipment and clean up all the dirt they have done.
The government concluded: errors in this mission will not be tolerated.

Once the entire team has left the planet, the government then requests the connection of the towers.

42 hours later...

The towers finally turned on and everything went smoothly.

The dinosaurs are now alive, thanks to the control towers. And now the human race generated by the tower can now live with the Jurassic creatures.

Humans have begun their journey on the planet.

4 years later The human being generated by the tower adapted to live with the dinosaurs and began to develop houses that went to weapons and then to technology. They also began to tame the dinosaurs from the land, the sky and even the sea.

 

The human race generated by the tower was adapting to the planet WILD. Iron mining, gold. They began to use oil for energy.

One day, a human being walking the planet WILD, found a piece of equipment.

He nicknames it TEK. and soon I began to develop very advanced technologies with this equipment.

This equipment found, was nothing more than technological equipment that one of the government teams had forgotten.

The government, knowing this, was extremely irritated by the poor work done by the responsible scientists.

The government requests the scientific presence team.

The government says: I said that no mistake would be tolerated in this work, which you did.
The government still talks: with this equipment, the human beings who are on the planet can start to develop spaceships, and leave the planet.
The scientific team says: this was a serious mistake, and we apologize for what happened. How can we correct it now? 

This is the scientific team.

The government says: it will not be possible to go down to the planet and remove this equipment.
The government still says: I need you to correct the problem you caused. Creating a technology, capable of creating a force field around the planet WILD, that would prevent all the creatures that are there from leaving.
The scientific team concluded: we are already starting the project.

1 year later...

The science team completed their force field work, and then applied their technology around the planet WILD.

No creature on planet WILD could now leave the planet.

Trapped on planet WILD, they made war for survival, creating tribes, taming animals.

2 years later...

One day, a human being named Dalan, generated by the tower, began to wonder.

Why am I here?
Where did I come from?
Where am I going?
What's up there?

The human being named Dalan, soon calls all the members of the team, and starts to talk about who they really are.

One of their members, named Albert, decided to share his technology found a few years earlier.

The technology was nothing more than the equipment that was nicknamed TEQUI a few years earlier.

Not long after, the members began to create a vehicle with the ability to fly into space, so as to discover the whole truth.

After some time, the vehicle was finally ready.

The human being Dalan decided to be the pilot. He began to connect the ship, and fly into space.

Getting close to leaving the atmosphere, the ship was barred, due to the force field, and his flying vehicle, fell from height leaving the badly injured!

Falling to ground, the team members soon helped the Dalan.

1 week later...

Dalan was already fine, and now he could walk and talk.

The very curious members soon went to ask Dalan a question.

A member asks: what happened up there? Did you see anything?

Dalan said: coming closer to heaven, I began to observe some kind of wall. I thought it was nothing and continued. It was then that the ship collided with this wall.

Dalan concludes by saying: after that I don't remember anything anymore.

The team members soon began to study this force field.

3 weeks later...

The team members will finish their study of the force field and start a new project to break the force field.

6 months later...

Finally the project is ready...

[d1nk]

...but ARK already has a story?! Fan fiction? I tried to read it but it was hard lol

[GenTech1000]

On 9/11/2019 at 11:28 AM, d1nk said:

...but ARK already has a story?! Fan fiction? I tried to read it but it was hard lol

I’m with d1nk on this one. The writing is clunky and hard to follow, and the script-like writing style didn’t help either. Certain plot points are a little odd, such as the colonists consuming 4x the food a day and Dalan surviving a fall from the upper atmosphere, causing the story to lack the fluidity and structure it truly needs. The overall story isn’t that impressive due to the predictability of several areas and a very simplistic nature, causing it to lack much interest. The reasoning for some of the plot points is also confusing, with several events happening just for the furthering of the plot.

Furthermore, you seem to lack any knowledge of the current story. Sure, the game’s story isn’t so clear and requires hours of exploration, but somehow, with all of the other fanfiction, videos, and other content, you know nothing of the story. This leads to the timing. Why make a theoretical story for ARK when the story has already been developed? It been a while since ARK was was in early-access back in 2014. Back then, these theoretical fanfics were commonplace. Now they just seem out of place. 

Overall, if you work on your writing, do your research, and learn your timing, it will greatly improve any stories you write in the future. Try making drafts-something like this story would do- and move on from there. Create vivid paintings of imagery and engulf yourself and the reader in the story. Make it something that you both can enjoy and then polish it off. Constant revision is a part of the writing process. After you do at least some of the steps, then post it. Keep up the good work.

[rpicardi1]

On 9/11/2019 at 12:28 PM, d1nk said:

...but ARK already has a story?! Fan fiction? I tried to read it but it was hard lol

It reads more like an outline of ideas for putting together the story. Use that outline to expand those ideas into a story that features your character's adventure. I see a lot of possibilities with the expansion of those outlines into a readable novel of that futuristic society.